Ari is practicing in front of a mirror, wearing a veil.
Ari
All right, here we go. Here we go, here we go, here we go.
I, Ariana, take you, Steve, to be my lawfully wedded husband. Even though I think that it should be more than just lawful. What about moral or ethical? And what does it really mean to be lawfully wedded? It just means not against the law. And really, what does that mean? That gay people can't do this? I don't want our love to be purely exclusive. I mean, I do, but not in that sense. I want our marriage to be something that everyone can celebrate, and as an artist, I'm going to have a lot of gay friends in the audience. I don't want to rub that in their faces, some of them are coming from out of state, where they can't wed, into another state where they can't wed. Oh god, I'm a terrible person, I can't say this in my vows! Okay, we'll just skip that part. I, Ariana, take you, Steve, to be my husband. Okay wait. My husband? I'm going to take him to be my husband. No one else. Just mine. So that's supposed to mean what, exactly? That we don't condone polygamy? Well that's not going to work, some of our best friends are coming in from Idaho and Utah! They all watch "Big Love" and I can't have them thinking that I don't approve of their lifestyle when I'm up at the altar! The altar is like their mothership to them, it'll be like I'm spitting on their mothership. How can I be so insensitive? I'm just going to have to skip that part too. I can't worry about hurling chunks of my phlegm onto their mothership during my wedding!
Maybe I'll just pantomime my vows instead.
Monday, September 6, 2010
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YAY!!!! I love it!!! Thank you thank you thank you!
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