My New Career of Unemployment

So you want to be unemployed, huh? For others, this method of not contributing to society is an easy one. Infants have been unemployed for years, and there seems to be an everlasting supply of these little leeches. What is nap time if not training for future drunken homeless activities? Another growing opportunity for having no opportunities is becoming a student. Think of the job world as a giant ocean. Students are the wimps who claim they've just eaten and they need to wait at least thirty minutes before going in. Graduate students are just teenage girls that don't want to get their hair wet. But eventually, we all have to strap on those little floaties of education, adjust the goggles of ambition, and jump into the exciting waters of adulthood and responsibility.

And then along came Zeke the Recession Plumber and drained every single drop of hope and prosperity.

And here we are. Not swimming in a giant ocean filled with job interviews, but meandering through a vast desert, licking the sandy floor in hopes of getting a drop of a 12 hour work week. People with college degrees are using their leather bound promise killers as means for shade or firewood at night. Somehow your credit card statements have sprouted wings and hungry beaks and are circling above you. What can we do? How can we tell the difference between an oasis and a job application for Taco Bell? And how can we get by in this time of economic strife?

I choose humor. And booze. But mostly humor. This is the first in a series of installments of the Starving Artist With Access To The Internet (or SAWATTI). I hope to explore the highs and lows of not possessing your dream career, yet not stuck with the worst job in the world either. It will include what to say when that certain someone strikes a condescending smirk and squawks "Sooooo...How's it GOING?", what not to say during an endless myriad of job interviews, and fun activities to pass the time while waiting for job agencies to call you back (turns out it's not beating your head against your steering wheel while blaring Celine Dion's "All By Myself"). Whether you're a Republican blaming the Recession ("Damn you Obama!") or a Democrat ("F*** you Bush!") there's something here for everyone. And mainly, that something is hope.

And booze. But mostly hope.

Tune in next week for "The 5 stages of Unemployment" or "While My Checking Account Gently Weeps"....