Undead Anonymous Scene III

(Nursery. Danny sits, idly playing with some blocks, bored. The door opens and a package of Saltines drop in his lap. Danny is surprised for a few seconds, then tears into the crackers like they’re the last crackers on earth. Senator enters)

Senator:I’m a reasonable guy, Danny. And I do feel bad about keeping you and Cody quarantined from the rest of us. But you just can’t be too careful.

Danny: (mouth full) I udderstan.

Senator: It’s just this is the only room with locks on the outside, and you’re the biggest threat if you were to…ah…turn over. Cody’s about a buck ten soaking wet, and easier to control.

(pause as Danny finishes his meal)

Danny: Thanks for the crackers.

Senator: You’re welcome. Did they taste okay?

Danny: Yeah, they were fine.

Senator: Wouldn’t want something a little more…substantial?

Danny: Well, I could definitely go for a steak right about now.

Senator: A steak? Really? Huh…well, well…and if we could go back to before, when Hell was just below the earth, when there were nice restaurants and attractive hostesses and cloth napkins, and you sat across the table from your beautiful woman companion…or male, I don’t judge..

Danny: Thanks.

Senator: And a stuffy waiter comes over to you and takes your order. You order a nice salmon for your date and a New York Strip Steak for yourself.

Danny: (sighs longingly)

Senator: And when that waiter asks you how do you prefer it, you say…

Danny: With mashed potatoes and plenty of butter…man do I miss butter.

Senator: Actually, I was thinking how you prefer your steak….like do you want it barely cooked, red and raw on the inside, bleeding all over your plate…?

Danny (gives him a significant look) Actually I prefer my meat well done.

Senator: Ah. Well. You never know, things can change…

Danny: I’m pretty set in my ways.

Senator: Sure, Danny. Of course.

Danny: How’s Cody doing?

Senator: Seems to be well. No mood swings, or sudden bursts of anger. Temperature’s normal, no sudden fever or night sweats. Body’s loose and limber, no swollen joints or stiff muscles. Seems like he might make it.

Danny: And his steak preference?

Senator: I didn’t ask.

Danny: Ah.

(tense pause)

Danny: Seems like you know a lot about the living dead there, Senator.

Senator: Oh well, you know…just trying to survive. I mean, sure, I’ve picked up a thing or two from watching ‘em, but I’d hardly call myself an expert…

Danny: No, it’s pretty impressive. You must have seen first-hand how it happens. And you managed to live after watching it. That’s damn near impossible.

Senator: Oh, well…we didn’t get here because we’re weak.

Danny: Damn straight. So you must have been pretty close by to see the conversion and how it works…like during the last moments, their eyes get a milky film for the final hours, then turn yellow, and then finally bloodred.

Senator: Of course.

Danny: And how our previous conceptions were totally wrong, that there’s no initial craving for human flesh…or period of fever or stiffening of the body…

Senator: Um, right…

Danny: And I’m sure you had the chance to observe the length of time it takes to fully convert. I mean, any moron with a copy of 28 Days Later can call themselves an expert, but do they know that it takes at least two, two and half weeks before the transformation takes over? How there’s almost no warning before the victim snaps? How most of them still look human?

Senator: Well excuse me Danny, for following basic zombie principles, however outdated they may be. It’s a shame that we’re all not as brilliant as you. And who did you see die?

Danny: My wife.

(Long pause)

Danny: Cody’s fine, Senator. Why don’t you let him out already?

Senator: He’s been out for an hour now. Why don’t you join us?

(end scene)