Season Three: Mandie's Monologue

Mandie

Hello. Thank you for meeting with me, I know you are probably busy right now, watching everyone with their new bags, fresh notebooks and pencil sharpeners...(sighs) so I'll be brief. I want you to take me back. Please. Pretty please? Look, I'm begging you here. I'm not ready for the real world. You can't show up wearing pajamas, you can't skip because you're still drunk from last night's kegger, and no one gives you a syllabus! Besides, you lured me here under false pretenses: Your school's motto is and I quote: "From Here, You Can Go Anywhere". Well, you can't go ANYWHERE with a four year degree in Theater! You know where you can go? The unemployment office, or a cardboard box. So you need to take me back and give me something I can use. I hear that Accounting is productive to modern society. Personally, I'd rather swallow my leather bound cover than major in it, but I'm desperate. Or Speech Therapy, I hear that's a popular major. So I'll take that one, and Accounting, and...pre-law, just because that one seems like it'll take a long time. Basically, I'd like to stay here for another ten, twelve years tops, until either the economy improves or I regain my self esteem, whichever comes first. So let's get going here! You've got all those fancy file cabinets behind you, which I'm sure I PAID FOR by the way, pull out my old application, I've got some white out in my bag, it's no problem! I'll drag my cardboard box over to the freshmen dorms and just wait for one of them to crack, you won't even notice me. Look, I have to come back, I long to smell the dirty laundry, I need to gorge on the overpriced and greasy food, and I have to lounge outside the library that I'll never go into! I want to zone out in front of a teacher rather than my own television. I want to suck at beer pong again! I know where I want to go after college. College! From Here I Can Go To Here! I'm ready! Enroll me now! School is in my possession!