SEASON TWO FINALE

HEY Y'ALL. ROSE RUSSO HERE. LISTEN UP.

SEASON TWO IS DONE.

I WANT TO DEDICATE THIS SEASON TO MY AUNT ROSE RUSSO. THANK YOU.

SEASON THREE COMING....

THE DVDS ARE FREE.

HERE'S THE FINALE:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKQbcJyVKR0

Witch.

Oh, we're doing this now? You've decided that it's me, have you? Well, I should just hang up my hat and start cackling with glee, now shouldn't I? I am so flattered! How filled with love and hope I am right now. Oh, my darling, I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby.

Just in case your people can't translate sarcasm, I am not serious here. Do you even know me? Do you know what I am, where I come from, or am I just a heart beating in a skirt to you? Is that all that matters...yes...yes I think it is. I have an answer for your question. Yes. I do. But you have to ask me. Say my name.

Nope. You failed. You don't even know my real name. You probably were ready to call me a witch. Well, I admit that in the past I was a nasty...they weren't kidding when they called me a witch, I know, but I do have a name and you're already screwing it up.

Don't call me that name now. I don't want to hear you say it to me. Ever. And what is THAT?!
That better be something else in a velvet box. Stop please just let me go. I've been broken by love, my lovers are like my fathers. Or I just have daddy issues. Yes, of course, of course I love you, only you, no one else, it's always been you, even when you tell me I talk too fast and too much. I love you. There. I love you. I really do love you!! I "Love Is All You Need" love you, I love you like a hot Mexican sunset. But it's a bucket of water to me. It's death, and....
I'm going crazy. I'm out of my mind with you on bended knee. I don't want to touch it, I don't want to be near it or watch it sparkle in the flames of our fireplace. Were do you think we're gonna live, huh? Some palace with a view of the emeralds?

It's like you've got nothing in between your ears. Seriously. I can see you a nodding and agreeing but it's a going one ear and out the other. What is wrong with you? Why did you fail the easiest test in the world? All you had to do was call my name out from your dusty lips...

Or is there someone else's name choking your tongue, eclipsing your lips, breathing through your teeth?

I thought so. I knew so. That's it. That IS the straw that's breaking my back. I knew you weren't over her.

Don't act stupid.

What name did you say last night?
You heard me.
What was her name?
You know what I'm saying.
That's right.
I KNEW IT.

Your love isn't here, and neither is mine. I just want someone who isn't green with jealousy, someone who doesn't shriek when you enter the shower....why are you always taking showers? It's like your scarred from a PAST FLAME! No, you don't even get to call me by my name. It's not even my name! How dare you make me into someone I don't wanna be!

Get off your knees.

Stop saying Marry me

I'm not a WITCH, I'm not crazy, I'm not cackling here, I'm telling you the truth! I'm not what you want me to be, I used to be a sweet, farm girl with pigtails once upon a time, until YOU made me into THIS. You made me into a WITCH and now you want to change me again into...

....a.....

....cowardly............



..............Witch............................................



........................With no heart...................................................................................(lights out)


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



The Little Vampire


(Lights up. We are on an isolated beach. The Sea Witch is about to hear a story from Ariel, a human princess)


Hey. I know it's been a long time, and I know we didn't exactly part on the best of terms. Okay, yes, an attempt on your life was taken, but you know, that wasn't me, that was my soon to be ex-husband. Oh, don't look so shocked, you must have heard that Eric and I were separating. How was I to know that 50% of marriages in the 80's end in divorce? But I have a request.

I don't want to be a human anymore, and I can't go back to being a mermaid. I wanna be a vampire.

Vampires are so popular now with humans. They are either reading about them or watching them on some kind of screen. They are stronger, they are powerful, and they can kill a human with a flash of their teeth. Vampires don't have to go to family functions if they don't want to, or cook dinner for anyone, or anything they aren't comfortable with. I want my immortality back. I want to really live this time.

I am ready to pay with whatever you need. I do not mind being silent for a few days. It will be worth it. I will be worth it.

Part of Your World

There is nor flying hence, nor tarrying here.
I gin to be aweary of the sun,
And wish th' estate o' th' world were now undone.

Jacques, pirate, finally breaks up with his mermaid girlfriend.

Jacques

I quit. I can't keep up with you anymore. I can see the looks my fellow sea dogs give me, and it's pity. Pity. It's like a bad swig of rum, something foul in your mouth that putrefies your throat and twists itself all the way down into your churning stomach. I can't be looked at by them with your looks too. It's two different swords; one through my gut and another plunged into my back. I can't do this anymore. You make me weary of love; you make me long for this home we've created here to be crushed to dust.

You're amazing. You really are but I can't keep going like this. Literally, I can't. Do you know how exhausting this lifestyle is? You can swim faster than any pirate can sail. There's just too much for us to handle: you're immortal, I'm a human, you sing beautifully and I hurl myself over the edge of my ship for you. Thank God my shirt sleeves are so puffy; otherwise I might have drowned. And then we wouldn't have had the chance to get to know each other. But you're still cold. I would hold you all night and you never warmed to me. And I'm not talking about just the poor circulation, or biological survival tactics. You in fact, are a cold person. Not once did you hop up on my ship, or take an interest in my raping and pillaging. I am fascinated by you still, yet all you seemed concerned with is brushing your hair, or singing, or gutting a fish. Which is very impressive, and still turns me on, I mean, how do you do that with just your mouth?

But Love doesn't mean having to hurl yourself off your own ship for someone. Or it shouldn't. And it shouldn't mean holding your breath for someone either.

July 8th: Episode "Alice's and Dorothy'sJourney": For Alice, by Rose:

Hello. This is a collaboration piece between myself, an AMAZING ACTRESSS Alison Roseburg, and her ideas about my cat, Alice. We then threw in a sassy Dorothy role while we were at it.


Enjoy.


(Lights up. Alice is in a very slutty light blue dress and torn apron. She is either blonde or is holding a disheveled blonde wig.


Black Setting. White Spotlight. Almost in the shape of...)


(She speaks to them as if it is a Prologue to Romeo and Juliet)

Alice

Hello. My name is Alice. I have to say that because I forgot who I was the other day. I fell in a hole. Yeah. I'm sorry. I changed when I fell in that hole. But I'm fine. I swear. Oh, wait. I forgot. You are not allowed to swear or recite bad poetry or pick flowers where I...am...now living. Did I live someplace else? I think I did actually live there because I know that you can't swear up here. It's opposite land up here! It's scary. I'm terrified and feel like I might die tonight!


Yeah. I should go. I wanna run to the middle of my fears. It was just like a pill. It made me worse though. Normally, whenever I try to be all that I can be, it makes me better. After I got out of this dirty knarled tree hole, I wanted to run as fast as I could, I swear. Oh shit! I forgot you're not supposed to swear out of the rabbbit hole. Again. I'm always opening my mouth and getting into trouble. Shut up Alice, just shut up!

I'm sorry. Maybe I am crazy. Alice, what do they say? Alice, you've changed when you walk down the ... *snaps her finger* ahh....I know this..don't tell me. Don't speak. Please stop explaining. I know this, it's a called a Street!


They say you changed Alice. What happenend.

And I say, I know. I'm sorry. I'm fine. I feel like I have to have a crisis to get people to believe that I'm fine.

But then they say. Alice, you've changed. What happened.

So I say again: I know! I'm sorry! I'm fine.

Mother looked at me.

Alice. Look at your clothes!

You've changed. What happened?

Father came out of the study to peer over his pipe and muttered:

Alice, you've changed; what happened.

And I say I know Father. I'm sorry. I'm sorry daddy. Daddy I'm so sorry. I'm fine. I'm fine.

And I ran away from the house because I couldn't understand anyone but the servants and they don't speak English! They are fluent in French and Italian!! I only know a few words from falling in a hole for a year; or was it 10 minutes?

But they taught me things! I learned so much. Crazy accents and odd fashion and THE CURSING! Oh I learned some fantastic swear words: Stick a too Zorro. I guess it means something bad; I screamed it down in the Rabbit Hole and a bunch of evil pelicans laughed at me and turned into innocent oysters.

And I kept running, as fast as I could. I couldn't stand this life here, there was too much support and love and no drugged oysters laughing the entire night away... I went on a Journey: I was a small town girl. I lived and still do live in a very lonely world. I took a midnight stroll and fell somewhere. It was everywhere.

And I met a boy, and fell in love. Born and raised in South Wonderland. He took a midnight stroll. I think I fell on his face. Nothing broke. All the kings horses and all of his men helped him out. I became a warrior princess there. It's not Jabberwocky, I swear! I think the monster followed me up here. I am so paranoid he didn't die. I wanted to slay him until there was nothing left; But I think that was just the Wonderland talking.

I didn't move from the spot on the ground; my friends caught up with me as soon as I got back from the Rabbit Hole. One by one they each took me aside and said:

Alice. You have changed. What happened. AND I SAID THIS:

Don't call my name. My name isn't Alice. Not Anymore. It's Alejandra. It's Alicia, It's Alexandra. Alice. Is that my name? I can't remember...

Alice! You have changed, what happened? I know, I 'm sorry I 'm fine, I'm fine, I know, I'm sorry, I'm fine, I'm fine. I didn't know whether to laugh at them or cry with them.

I think people who haven't fallen in a hole don't understand what it's like once you are IN that place. I'm in the hole, I could say to my father, and my mother, and all two friends that I have left, because no one wants to even look at me. Once I climbed out, no one wanted . No one. Anyway, I could look at the four people who could still look at me and say "I fell in!" and it was like I was speaking French. It was like I was too dirty to look at, and too soiled to be understood. But I'm not dirt under your feet. I'm a poor girl who climbed out of a giant vortex. No one seems to have been there before.

I have a big mouth. I should never have said anything about the Rabbit Hole. I ate the wrong pill and got me and my big mouth into trouble.

I'm Alice. I've changed. I'm sorry. But I am fucking fine.




Dorothy


(Sings last part of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow)


Somewhere, over the rainbow

Way up high

Birds cry over that rainbow

Why then can't I just fly?



If happy little scarecrows sigh
on a rainbow
Why
Oh
Why
Can't
I?


(BLACK AND WHITE MAKE GRAY. DOROTHY IS IN A GRAY CHECKERED DRESS. IT'S BLOODY AND TORN. SMUDGED EYE MAKEUP LIKE SHE SPENT THE NIGHT IN JAIL)

Don't do you do it. Don't cry. Big city girls don't cry. The path I walked I had to go alone; I didn't get any "baby steps" along the way. They were full grown steps on that golden brick facade. Road is not what I would have named it. But it wasn't my world. I just dropped in.

But I loved it. I wanna go back! How can you return to a city when you have no map?
And you never had one. At all. And short little freaky people would sing a long with your GPS device and you really just wanted to take some cute shoes and leave; but no, no, no, they have to have a flippin' ceremony over every little thing. They didn't even like that witch; I wouldn't give a mutt I liked to that woman. Much less hold a procession for her. Not even if she was in Kansas. There are some things small farm folk just do not do!

Item 1: You must be kind to your fellow travelers. Glinda was kind, but what a tyrant. She was kind but extremely firm.

Item 2: Play games, all sorts. I played games, I played tons, I played "Ring Around the Golden Road of Confusion!' , "Cat on a Hot Tin Man's Roof " and "Are You Smarter than a Cowardly Lion?" THAT was a most excellent game. I won a puppy!

Item 3: Rosie Cheeks. Well, obviously. You had to be cute to survive. Perfect brown curls. You had to have the same color eyes to match your gown. That's how they play the day away in the merry yet old Land of Oz. Rub, dub, scrub, pat, fat, he looked so good when he got new straw.

I guess I miss him most of all. When we hugged goodbye, and I thought I would never see him again, I could have deflated, like a hot air balloon. I did. I waited. I embraced, I cried, I laughed at all the Professor's jokes; the entire time I thought I can't hug him goodbye. I can't say goodbye. I can't ANYTHING goodbye. Not with him. I stood there and felt like the Tin Man's heart had been wrenched from MY chest.

But I followed my head. I said, in my head, I love you. He said in my head, if only I had...and I said, in my head, yes? But then I remembered. I knew. He did say he loved me. He told me of a place. The other day, we came across a very angry tree with him, but before that he looked at me and said Is this the place that I've been dreaming of? If you were with me, I would wall away the hours; we'd talk to nice trees and flowers, even consult with the wheat grain. And I wouldn't be confused, I'd keep up with you, physically and intellectually. Oh. If I only had...

Had what I said?

More time.

SHE SINGS AS IF HER HEART WILL BURST BUT SHE SINGS SOFTLY:

If happy little scarecrows cry
over rainbows
Why oh why no more time?

*LIGHTS OFF

July 7th, Episode "HEY!!! YOU!!!! WRITE!!!! "

Hey y'all. "Rose Russo" here. (Yes, it's a pen name). Need your help.

I wanna set up JULY as "POST FEEDBACK MONTH".

Are you a writer?

Then WRITE, damn it!!




*Submit monologues, scenes, ANY WRITING OR FEEDBACK TO:

rkinne@vandals.uidaho.edu


Thanks for your help!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0jIl6_UCzA

July 7th: Episode "Male Monlogue: Comedy" "Getoutta ur Mnd"

(lights up)




I gotta tell you, I don't know what's wrong. I find your suggestions very offensive and frankly, I don't think you know what you're talking about. I am perfectly out of my mind. I know exactly how to use my body, I can get into a dancing zone, hell, I can make it rain with my dances! I can lose it. I can get down. I can get out of my mind!

Watch this shit!

(He hits a song on his Iphone and starts busting some serious hip hop moves)

I never had a dance lesson. I really don't dance; I just get in a zone.

(The dancing does not have to match his speech)

I don't think there's ever been a person like me in dancing history. My concept is brilliant, I call myself "Twitch". I'm an All Star. It's about me at the end of the day, doing the most incredible hip hop ever anywhere. If I don't get an Emmy for this I don't know why not. I mean, who the hell am I ?

I guess that's why I'm in therapy now. I came because of some "life crisis" but really, I'm just a hip hop star stuck in this form. This is my world, you're just visiting. I cannot tell you how ridiculous you are with your clipboard, and your questions about me crying in public, and you have no idea what is like Being Twitch. I am an All Star, god damn it!!

LATEST EPISODE: Episode "Female Comedy: Long Time"

(lights up)



Louise

Hello.



I realize that it's been a long time. We had some long, hot tortured nights between the two of us. We had a terrible love: A Bad Romance. But to be quite honest, it's in the middle of July, we're both at this extremely sexy Latin dance club and you aren't making me crazy. In fact, I feel like a Latin Sex pot. Like the Columbian singer, Shakira? Seriously, my hips don't lie. You need to touch me. I have to tell you something.

I'm wearing black eyeliner. I NEVER wear black liquid eyeliner;. Girls will tell you it's something they do "just for fun". This is a lie. It takes an entire damaging relationship cycle to take this shit OFF. Forget about putting it on "just for fun". I'm not here just to have "fun" with my girl friends. Well, okay, that is a lie. I am telling people that on my Facebook account right now. Or do the kids call it Twiiter? It's supposed to be this online dating network; I guess in college you were supposed to know about it.

What I'm trying to say is, I think I can dance, even though I'm holding an Long Island Iced Tea, and my hips are not lying, and you need to do me like I'm Shakira right now.