Babies vs.Toddlers or Permanent Suicide Watch

  One of the many questions I get asked when I reveal my profession is "So, which do you prefer, babies or older kids?"

I could be lying. It's entirely possible that no one has asked me that question, and I just need a way to start this blog. But it feels like this has been asked of me before.

In my first few years as a nanny I would have said older kids all the way. This is because my experience with babies was limited to a few terrifying moments when an aunt would see me appropriately enchanted by their newborn and breathlessly ask, "Do you wanna hold him/her?" And I would nod numbly like a person agreeing to buy Girl Scout cookies: You really don't want to, but you'd feel like a complete ass if you say no. Honestly, no I do not want to hold your baby. Unlike a box of Girl Scout cookies, it's really hard to buy another if I drop it. And I would be firmly convinced that somehow, in the time it takes to transfer your miraculous bundle of love into my arms, the Crisco fairy would hop along and just coat my limbs with the stuff and BAM!  Shame and dishonor on my whole family, soul, and life. Have I actually ever dropped a baby? Well, no, but fear is more tangible than reality. As time passed I became more comfortable with infants. I started to really like working with them. Yes, you have to change diapers and you must be prepared to wear their lunch. If they are teething then God have mercy on your soul, but nothing will make you feel more accomplished faster than successfully changing that diaper, getting at least one spoonful of winter squash in their mouth, and running like hell out the door when your shift is over (because I'm sorry, nothing compares to the horror that is teething). Toddlers are more independent and often potty trained, but there is something about the wonder of watching a baby recognize your face.

Be it a toddler or a baby, we can all agree on one thing.  They are driven on finding new and innovative ways to kill themselves. Hmm, what's this, a teeny tiny lego?  I'm pretty sure I can choke on it, let's find out, he seems to say.  Well, I'll be.  An electrical socket.  That's the perfect size for my fingers, she appears to ponder. I'm glad they feel safe and secure in their environment that they want to explore, but could they not explore what a plastic bag over their head? I feel like I should set up a crisis hotline with some of their toy cell phones. "Mr. Jonah, please don't hang up. Stay with me, I need to know why your life is not worth living after you spotted Mr. Potato Head in pieces".
Perhaps one day we can figure out what goes on in their minds, but until then, I'm just going to eat a box of Girl Scout cookies to relieve my anxiety.  

I shall stay until the wind changes

As an On Call Nanny, I am responsible for showing up when your plan A for child care has failed.  It is perfectly normal for me not to have any clue what my work schedule is like for the week, but I always get forty hours, and sometimes more.  What happens is I'll get a text from my agency, saying they have a case for me for a) tomorrow b) for the next two weeks with the same family c) in three hours or d) all of the above.  I'll confirm via text, and then receive an email telling me where the family lives, parents' numbers, how many kids and their ages.  I'll call the family to confirm the appointment, and then go from there.

All of the families work for Microsoft.  Welcome to Seattle!  Sometimes it's Google, occasionally I get a Verizon, but rest assured, it's going to be Microsoft.  I will later learn that if you work a certain amount of hours at Microsoft, they in turn give their employees a certain amount of hours per month to hook them up with nannies from our well established agency.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you've heard correctly:  I am a perk.

Sometimes I'm needed because the regular nanny is on vacation.  Other times it's the child's break from school and the parents still need to go to work.  Most often it's because the parents, whom usually work at home, have to go to the office for a conference or meeting. Whatever the reason, I am here to be the substitute Mary Poppins.  In the space of five minutes, I have to learn the daily routine, where the silverware is kept (WHY is it kept there?  That makes no sense to the flow of the kitchen!) what they like at nap time, and what their favorite toy is.

Personally, this is right up my alley.  I love new things and meeting people, so the spontaneity of the job is perfect.  Each day is like a box of chocolates:  I never know what I'm going to get:  a playful two year old who will spend hours on his train set?  I'm there. European babies who's books are all in Hebrew?  Awesome.  A 7 year old girl who will paint fairies and ask me if I am married?  Why not?  I love kids, and getting to play with them all day, while keeping them healthy and happy, almost sounds too lovely to be true.  AND I get health benefits and paid vacations?

The downside is this:  You have to leave them.  For the one dayers, this isn't so bad.  It's like a great first date:  You go, you have a great time, and you leave, not sure if you'll get that call back, but still happy you went and had the experience.  When you're contracted to be with them for a week, two weeks, a month, two months, that's when it gets really hard.  You get to know them.  You can recognize when they're getting sleepy, they start to recognize you when you come back the next day, they look sad when you leave, they fall asleep in your arms.  Just now I've finished working with a toddler for about a week.  When I left, she threw her whole body into mine for a hug and gave me a bunch of little kisses on my cheek.  And who knows if I'll ever see her again?  You have to give enough time to mourn, and then move on.  Take what you can and leave the rest.  And when you're flying away on your sweet ass umbrella, don't look back.