The Nanny Monologues

*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of all involved



Katherine:

The last day I had with Robert was a paradox of emotions.  It had elements of the boring routine combined with extreme loss and bitter regret all at once.  You know the feeling on the last day of school, when your body is used to all the familiar sensations, but it hasn't quite caught up with your brain, and your brain is continuously reminding your body "OK, this is it.  This won't be the same ever again.  Get ready.  Prepare for this.  Are you prepared?" It was like that.  I fed him lunch, we went to the park, I reminded him that he couldn't just fling sand in the air, we did all the fun things that three year olds enjoy but will never remember.

For the last month or two, I tried to tell him what was going to happen.  I'd say "Ok Robert, I love you and will always love you. But you're going to go on a new adventure, and I am too. You're moving to a new state! Yay! You'll be going to a different place, but I will always think of you and be so grateful we got a chance to meet and play together" And he'd say something touching and meaningful in response, something like "You be a kitty now Kathy, ok?" which I would translate as "I know Kathy.  Shut up about it so we can live in the moment and enjoy a game of pretend".

Then last week I saw she left her day calendar out on the kitchen counter.  I saw it and expected to see dates scrawled in there about calling movers or flight schedules.  Nothing.  There was nothing.

I wish she had just told me what I did.

So now it's 6:00 and it's time for me to go.  She already has his favorite TV show turned on so she doesn't have to be bothered by him when I leave.  I give Robert a hug and the husband, sentimental fool that he is, is about to cry for me.  I hear her yell sharply from the other room "DON'T MAKE A SCENE!" It's directed at him, but my heart takes the hit anyway.  I smile and wave goodbye like I'll see him tomorrow.

The hardest thing is when you get attached and become the thing that the three year old enjoyed but will never remember.  But hey, he knows the word please now because of me.  And how to dance. So maybe we left little foot prints on each other's hearts that no amount of jealousy or time can take away.  That's gotta mean something, right?

Feminism and Me and How You Are Screwing It Up

Yes, in case you were wondering, I am a Feminist.  Even more shocking, I actually knew what that word meant before checking Wikipedia.  My mother taught me at an early age, and my dad backed her up, that we are currently living in a man's world.  We naturally assume in America that the next president is going to be a middle aged man.  We go to the movies and nine times out of ten the protagonist will be a man.  There will possibly be a woman or two in that movie, and one or both will be the romantic love interest of that man.  Women are still receiving less money for doing the same amount of work as a man.  Women are frequently objectified in the media in ridiculous and demeaning ways that men are not.  If men are similarly objectified as women are, then it becomes humorous. Most women I know have an instinctual fear or cautious nature when they are walking alone at night.  I believe most men have that same cautious instinct, but I also believe that men aren't primarily concerned with being molested or raped on their walk home.

This treatment does not seem equal to me.  Feminism is the idea that everyone is treated equally, regardless of gender. It baffles me that this seemingly obvious definition is still receiving such negative connotations after all these years.

Naturally we fear what we don't know.  Over the years I've heard scared groups of people or individual persons label feminists as something less than: Butch Lesbians, Dykes, Feminazis, the list goes on and on.  I've become used to this. Anyone desperate enough to resort to name calling is just a confirmation that we are doing something right.  However, those fears and slurs have usually been voiced by a group of guys.  What's truly frightening is now I'm hearing these words come from the mouths of GIRLS.

Teenage girls and young women in their twenties are denouncing feminism and declaring that they don't need it because they "are not a victim".  OK, I get it. These children believe they don't need feminism because to them, the problem is solved. To some extent, it is slightly true.  I do not need a man to rent or own property.  I can vote. I can wear pants. That's all great, but don't you want more? Wouldn't it be nice to have your commercials, TV shows, plays, magazines, books, billboards, radio, press, retail stores, and movies NOT dictating how you should look and how you have no value if you aren't physically appealing to the opposite sex? Wouldn't it be wonderful to have the freedom to have a say in your body and have your own personal choice in contraception without your employers involved?  The idea that feminists are crying out for justice because they are just whiny and haven't taken control of their lives is horrifying to me.  If we rest on our laurels and declare that we are done because have come so far, we will slip right back to where we are.  We are already starting to and I for one, refuse to slide back.

It is my personal belief that we do not have to punish or lower another group down to raise us up. That to me is not true equality.  There are injustices that men suffer as well: they must hide emotions that are not related to anger or dominance, they too have clothing restrictions and impossible body standards, they can't have eating disorders or be considered rape victims if their attacker is a woman, etc. Feminism supports male equality too. I will not change the name or try to excuse myself when I say I'm a Feminist.  It's not morphing into a different goal or entity.  I stand by it and I am proud of it.  I have no problems explaining what it means and if you have a person in your life that listens to misinformed pop stars trying to explain feminism, steer them my way.  I will be happy to speak.  Because I have a right to speak today, due to all the incredibly hard work that past Feminists have done for me.